Proposal Story!

Well, even though my brain knows I don't have to go to work today, apparently my body doesn't! I figured I'd go ahead and get my proposal written down before it all melts away!

So, I've known this was coming for a while, but it was still a big surprise and wonderful! Matt and I went a couple of months ago to pick out rings, and he knew I had my heart set one a particular one. One weekend a couple weeks ago, he told me he and his brother were going to the shooting range. I had my suspicions that he was buying the ring, but when he came home with a shot up target, I figured well, darn, they really did go shooting! Little did I know that they indeed had gone to the mall, and had stopped by their work to pick up an old target of Jason's to cover their butts! Tricky devils!!

Last week I started to get antsy, because I had a suspicion that it was coming pretty soon. I even dressed up in heels on the Thursday before Xmas, convinced it was going to be that night! Well, it wasn't, but turns out while I was at work that day, Matt was picking up my ring, which wasn't actually supposed to be there until Xmas eve. Luckily it came in early! We headed off to my mom's house for Christmas with them, and he told me he was nervous all weekend whenever he thought about it. My mom actually asked him flat out about his "intentions" with me before we left on Christmas, so I figured a proposal that day was out of the question.

We got back to our home, and exchanged our presents for each other. Matt set up our new Wii, and for the next couple hours we sat there playing video games. Well, I did. I may have monopolized it just a teeny bit. Around 4 or so I went upstairs to take a shower, and remember thinking to myself, "well, I didn't get my proposal, but that was an AWESOME Christmas, and I am so lucky!" Little did I know he was setting things up downstairs! I cleaned up and headed downstairs, Matt poured us some drinks, and I settled back on the couch, assuming we'd just play video games some more. He got up, brought over the Christmas poppers, and suggested we open them! He had never seen the poppers before this Christmas, but they are a tradition in my family and my mom had given us two to pop that night. We had already popped some at my mom's house, but I didn't manage to get the cap to go off in mine, so when he gave me the popper at home, I was really determined to pop the heck out of it! I grabbed the little cardboard strip and yanked as hard as I could. The contents went flying, and Matt started to tell me that something flew out across the room. I got up to look for it, and see the cat sniffing at something in front of the movie shelf. I bent over to pick it up, realized what it was, and screamed (just a little). The tears kicked in immediately, and I turned around to look at Matt.

He came over to me, got down on his knees, and through my blubbering, asked me to marry him. I'm pretty sure I nodded, then cried some more, then asked him if he was sure, and asked him to put it on my finger. I could tell he was so nervous! For the next hour or so we just sat on the couch cuddling and giggling, and maybe crying a bit (on my part!). We called my parents about an hour and a half later, and the rest of the night is kind of a blur. I'm pretty sure we played video games some more. :p

Well, that's it, and it was wonderful and a great surprise, and I can't wait to start planning the rest of my life!

I always seem to forget to update when I have the most going on. I've been a busy bee lately. I had my latin final last Friday, and it was MUCH harder than the midterm. He picked a passage from a day that almost everyone (including myself) missed class, so I had no clue what I was doing. All I needed was a 48 to pass the class, so I'm not tremendously worried about it. Graduation is Saturday, and my whole family (minus Grandma) is coming down to see me. I hope it goes ok, no divorce drama or anything. I think afterwards we will go to Ozona's for lunch (mostly cause i LURVE Ozona's) and hang out for a little bit before I have a wedding to go to that night. It hasn't really kicked in yet that I'm graduating, but I suppose that's because I don't have my grades yet.

Matt and I decided to move, and spent AGES looking for a cheaper but just as nice place (HA). We were about to give up when I convinced him to go look at the places right behind us, and BINGO! New place! They've updated the older apartments with nice laminate wood floors and new fixtures, etc, and even better, they are over 100$ cheaper a month! This will help us quite a bit with saving for our house :) Hopefully the walls won't be so thin in this new place...

As for getting married....well, I have this feeling that it's coming soon. Like next couple of weeks soon.

Killing Time

I've run out of nerdy websites to drool over. And clothing websites. Btw, if I could buy every dress on Modcloth.com, I would. amazerrging! Of course, most of them only go up to Large, which, ahem, my plentiful assets exceed by just a little bit. Anyhoo, lots going on!

I got my latin test back, so hellooo graduation! (I got a 92, btw, no applause necessary) I'm excited, but now terrified that I won't find a job. The interview I had last wek that I thought had went so well hasn't contacted me for a second interview. Oh well. :( There just aren't a whole lotta jobs for little old me! I'm very VERY tempted to just go to grad school and be a perpetual student. Too bad I let my grades sink. Anyways. Hopefully everyone will make it down for my graduation. I really don't WANT to walk the stage, but I'm pretty sure after waiting 5.5 years, my parents may just strangle me if I don't walk.

This is the first holiday season that I will be experiencing as a post-divorce child, and so far it's been difficult. Matt and I have to figure out how to make his parents, my mom/grandma/sisters, and my dad happy. Not an easy feat. I think (THINK) we have most of Thanksgiving figured out, but my mom hasn't said yet whether she wants us to come down, so it all may change. Christmas is going to be difficult as well, but luckily most of us have vacation during that time, so that gives us a little breathing room to see people. I don't want any of my family feeling lonely on the holidays!

In more fun news, this weekend is 3 days for us! Woo! It's Matt's last vacation day of the year (other than holidays) and we are going to Waco on Saturday to see his parents. And go to his favorite comic book store & hamburger joint. heh. Tomorrow I think I'll drag him to a bakery I've been wanting to try, and then reward him with homemade pizza for dinner. I need to buy some new jeans at some point.

On the marriage and house front, things are very much up in the air. Not as in, we can't decide whether we realllyyy want to be married, but as in, it depends on if I have a job, etc. If I have a job in the spring, but for some reason don't have health insurance and/or can't afford my own, we are getting married at the courthouse ASAP in order to get me on Matt's health plan. If we can wait, then we will probably be getting hitched in October-ish? Even if we do the whole icky courthouse thing, we will probably still do a 'real' wedding so I can get a dress, shoes, etc. ;) As for the house, if I have a job in the spring, that puts us over the income limit, and we will wait. If I don't find a job, or am still under the income limit, then we will start house hunting. AND if we decide to start house hunting, that means courthouse wedding and no real wedding for a couple years. Oh right, and if we start looking for a house, probably no engagement ring. (DRATS!)

It's all very convoluted. Oh, and I've started having baby pangs. It's freaking me out. I never actively wanted children before, but I guess now that my hormones feel safe and provided for, they've decided to start screaming at me to procreate. Yikes!! Just to clarify, no I'm not pregnant, and we have NO plans to have any for at least a few years. Too many video games to play!! :D

I really can't believe that I'm discussing marriage and a house, let alone babies. After Evil Ex and I broke up, I was dead set against any of this crap for at least a few years. Looks like fate had other ideas for Matt and I. I couldn't be happier with him. He is truly my other half, and I really didn't realize that it was possible to be this far into a relationship and be this HAPPY! All the time!! He is always making me laugh and picking me out of the dumps. Even when things feel so awful rotten that I just want to crawl in a hole, he's there to hug it better. Love it!!


Oh, and just so I have this in writing, Matt agreed last night (sober) to get a tattoo of me on our 5 year anniversary. HAH!!

Positive thinking!

I am attempting to be a positive thinker today, so here are some things that made me smile today:

- Matt in his awesome halloween costume!
- Our 9pm run to HEB for cookies and ice cream....
- Watching him taste different wines; he looked so classy and sexy!
- My dad texting me to see what trinket I wanted from Atlanta (even at 23 I like souvenirs!)
- Getting sweet hugs from Matt's niece and nephew

That's all for now :)

darn

Well, Matt and I didn't get the housing assistance we applied for. Shucky darns. We were about 200$ (!!) over the yearly income limit, which is intensely aggravating. Oh well. This was a good experience, and we have a better understanding of what we need to do in order to save up for a house. Hopefully it won't take as long as I think it will.

Latin midterm could have gone either way. I was the second person finished, which isn't unusual, but still makes me nervous that I completely blew it. I just want to get the heck out of college!

I've started applying for jobs post-graduation, and I had one last-minute interview yesterday afternoon that I think went quite well. I've got my fingers crossed that something lines up.

I may or may not have confused Matt into telling me he's proposing before Christmas ;)

Excuse the pity party

This will be a little bit of a bitch and moan entry, so just excuse me :p

I have so many things whirling about in my head, it's a wonder I don't take off into CRAZYLAND! Or maybe I already have! Things are progressing very fast with Matt and I, and although I am completely sure that he is who I want, and this life is what I want, it's just a little overwhelming. Tomorrow we meet with a city of Bryan organization that provides down payment assistance for first time homebuyers. If we qualify, we will go to the bank to qualify for a mortgage, and then start looking for a home. If we don't, then we figure we will give it a try in a year or so when we have saved more money. This blows my mind. I didn't expect us to buy a house for YEARS. I didn't think there was any way for us to afford it. Apparently there are lower priced townhomes in the area, and here we are! Freaking out! I have been researching mortgages and closing costs and realtors like a crazy person. I will be PREPARED, dammit!

On top of that, Matt and I are uh, "pre-engaged"? That's such a stupid term, but I don't know what else to call it. We looked at rings and I've been informed that I will be proposed to sometime in the next few months. SO that means a wedding! Which costs money! And if we are buying a house, that means we have NO money! So does that mean no wedding? Does that mean we put it off for a year? Would I be ok owning a home with him and us not being married? Do we have a quickie courthouse wedding? Would that bother me? I don't know! I don't know ANYTHING! Lordy.

And just to put the icing on the stress cake (mmmcake), mom is still barely speaking to me, and sisters are evidently of the opinion that I'm on evil Daddy's team. Sigh. I miss my mommy. It bothers me that when Matt proposes, the first person I will be calling is my Dad. Don't get my wrong, my Dad is great, but I would have really liked to share these things in my life with my Mom. I miss having a whole family, and I'm sure as the first holiday season post-divorce approaches, I'm going to be a wreck. Who do I have Thanksgiving with? Christmas? Which parent's feelings do I hurt?

Also, Latin sucks. That is all.

Whew, it's been a while since I've had a chance to update! No, not really. I lead a boring life, but let's pretend you are interested in it anyways ;)

School is ok, for now. I haven't had my first test yet, and am starting to worry about it. The people in my class act like middle schoolers most of the time, but it's getting to be more amusing (aww arent they cute!) than annoying. I'm sure they think I'm a bitch, but I just have nothing to say to hyperactive 12 year olds (ohh snap!).

Work is fine, I got moved to the back with the graphic artists, so less customer interaction and more smacking my computer because it refuses to open Word.

In December I graduate, and I'm starting to worry again about finding a job. There aren't many out there :(


In a happy note, Matt and I looked for rings the other day, and assuming we have the funds, we may just get married :)

Really, my life is boring.

Ah, undergrads

So far this week has flown by (::cue Hallelujah chorus::) and I've only been to one class. The prof had stomach flu, so no Tuesday class. Therefore, I just got out of my first Latin class, and umm hermm it was ok? I had stupidly drank an espresso coffee right before, so I am currently in the midst of lovely heartburn and the shakes. Bad Jen. Prof seemed amusing, but the fellow students seem to be um, hyper? Obnoxious? Both? Not all, but most. Especially a couple who would not stop talking as the prof was discussing syllabus. Not cool dudes, especially in class of ohh 10? SHUT UP! I needs to hear!! ::deep breaths:: Nor so I want to hear about how amaaaazing you are. Was I this bad at their age? Probably, and I shall cut them some slack as I am the senior member of the class. And probably the stupidest. Durh. Anyhoo, so freaking glad it's almost Friday, cannot wait to sit on my ass and do NOTHING. Latin will be conquered.

I applied for graduation today. Only about 1.5 years after I was supposed to get that "all-important" sheepskin. Except, I don't think it's important anymore. The hassle and annoyance and expense of college has not been worth it. Do I feel it's important to have an education? Duh! But...I feel no sense of relief, no pride in what I've accomplished. Trying to graduate has taken up so much of my energy and emotions that it just feels numb at this point. And I don't even know if I'll pass Latin! I'll try my best, I always do...but I just don't care anymore. If it doesn't happen this semester, then I'm dropping out. These days, people are being told to leave their degrees of their resumes anyways. Screw it. I have a good head on my shoulders (mmm braaaaaains!...sorry, couldnt resist) and I'll be fine. I've got my honey, I've got a good work history, and I will have a good life, with or without that stupid 24K worth of debt degree. SO THERE!

Lame blog

I really am pathetic at this blogging thing. When I was younger, I was constantly on my Xanga (throwback!) writing little rants about how unfair life was, and feeling rebellious (but maaa, why can't I go to a bar with a strange man?!). Now, my life is boring, and I have more common sense now...i.e. writing TMI on a public page is really not in the best interests of my future.

So. lame. blog.

There are roughly three weeks left until I start my Latin class. I've been squeezing in study time, and am still nowhere near where I need to be. I'm terrified. What if I don't pass?! Thousands upon thousands of stupider than me college kids do it every year! Why is this one damn class tripping me up?! Ugh. And yes, I realize that that may be the TMI I was previously speaking of. ::pbbttt:: So there.

Matt is comforting, though. If I don't graduate, or find a well paying job, I don't THINK he will be disappointed. Oh, right. yes he will. But he's a good enough guy to pretend that he looves taking care of me and paying for things. :p I need to stop panicing. That will just throw me into super lockdown not able to do anything mode, and no one wants that.

Oh, right. This is boring to you, yes? Well, my life is boring. OOOH but I did make an awesome dinner last night! I had vowed to try out some new recipes, and last night was stuffed mushrooms and baked pasta shells with broccoli and green beans. The pasta ended up being a glorified Velveeta, but was still not bad, and Matt really liked the mushrooms! Success! :) I'll put some pictures up when I get back home. Next up is some cheese ravioli with spinach, and mebbe some biscuits....Matt made some amazing quesadillas on Sat night, OMG can that man make Mexican! Happy belly!

I really do wish I had more interesting things to say, but being somewhat estranged from the majority of my family, I have no interesting tidbits on that front, and frankly, M&I do not have the money to do interesting things. Can we say 20$ til Friday!

OH RIGHT!!! This weekend is the Bayer family reunion in Round Rock at M's aunt and uncle's house. TERRIFIED. I have met a couple members of his mother's side, as well as his brother and sister + niece and nephews.. but I have yet to meet anyone on his dad's side. Apparently this is the "normal" side? Which just terrifies me more because I am not what you call normal, and am just freaking out unnecessarily. I doubt they even want me there, but Matt insists because I'm his "family" (awww). I'm sure it will be fine. SURE. I'm making a cake! ....that I've never attempted before.... Let's cross our fingers that it doesn't poison everyone. I hope it will be ok. I hate meeting people. and I'm chubby. Unrelated maybe, but not to me!


OK, done. Lame little blog.

My favorite things...

This blog has never been anything resembling a theme. For the most part, it's me ranting or complaining or even occasionally happily burbling about my life. I've never really aspired to be one of the "writer" bloggers, or whatever you would call them. I don't have a cause, nothing interesting really happens to me, and I'm not clever. That being said, I thought I'd share some of the things that are making me smile lately, and what I think about them. I'd love to update this more often with book reviews, things I've cooked that were yummy, etc. We'll see if that happens.

First off, I have been searching for new science fiction/fantasy writers to sink my teeth into. I think I've discovered my new favorite. Terry Pratchett has apparently been writing books constantly for the last couple of decades, and I somehow managed to look the amazing Discworld series for all this time. Shame! My library had a smattering of his books, so I picked one at random and went with it, this being the novel Going Postal.



It is essentially about a crook saved from the hangman's noose by a dictator and ordered to run the decrepit post office. ::crickets chirping:: Sounds a bit boring eh? Well how about letters that come to life, a man obsessed with collecting pins, and clay golems fighting for their freedom? No? Well, then we just can't be friends. The book is hilarious, and is exactly the kind of tongue in cheek humor that I enjoy. I highly recommend the Discworld novels, and I myself plan on looking for as many as I can. Before you start worrying about starting at book one, I think going postal was oh, #33 or so, and I read it with no confusion at all.

On to video games. As you may or may not have gathered, the BF and I are pretty serious gamers. Most of our leftover money each month goes towards a new video game, be it a brand new PS3 title or an old NES copy of Startropics. One game we both absolutely adore is Fallout 3.




I have never been a huge fan of first person shooters. I used to be. Halo used to be my game of choice, and I loved watching my dad play Doom (wayyyy back when). However, I've mellowed a bit, and enjoy a good drink with my video games. This does not mesh well with frantic running and shooting. Hence, Fallout, a game that at first glance is FPS, but is so leisurely to play that you forget about that quickly. And by leisurely, yes, I mean easy. It's one of the only games I have beaten, and without much difficulty. However, it's got a great story, and although you may get tired of the endless gray and brown landscape, the quests are super interesting and it's fun to just roam around shooting at crap and discovering new places. The overall feel of a 50s paradise gone bad is pretty interesting as well. If a well done quest-based FPS is your cup of tea, then Fallout 3 should be where you head. And Fallout: New Vegas comes out in October! YAY! And it looks more colorful! :)

I could say quite a bit more on this , and I may at some point devote an entire entry just to this game. But for now....

That's all folks!

I should be in the shower

Instead, I'm sitting on my butt because the air up here is fairly cool and I just don't feel like moving. So there.

Anyhoo, life. Such as it is.

On Monday about 1am I woke up completely unable to breathe, freaking out etc. Lasted about 15-20 seconds and then for an hour afterwards I was feeling poorly. Went to the doctor on Tuesday and was told that this is due to the really bad acid reflux that I've had since elementary school. Kinda scary that heartburn can stop your breathing!! Anyways, he ordered me to cut down or entirely stop drinking soda and alcohol, and lose at least 10 pounds. Sigh. Erg. Bleh. Soda and I are BFFLs. Vodka and I are also BFFs. This was not happy news to me, BUT the fact that it is entirely controllable and fixable made the changes seem not too bad. Therefore, for the last few days, I have cut down to 2-3 sodas a day (this is a SIGNIFICANT decrease) and only one alcoholic drink a night. I've also been eating healthier, with a V8 for breakfast and reduced/healthier portions throughout the day.

I already feel so much better. Aside from being tired at work. But besides that, I haven't had a bad headache in two days, and NO heartburn! Hooray! It's awesome. I don't feel skinnier yet though :p It really is amazing what little changes can do to how you feel. I'm going to keep this up, because I would much rather drink less fizzy/alcoholic drinks and eat less ice cream than have daily headaches and feel awful.

Matt, however, is going to have to stop eating ice cream in front of me, or I may steal it and run away...

I couldn't help it :p

OffbeatBride is my favorite...

Oops it's been a while

Gosh, I haven't posted in forever.

Here's the short version

Started new job
Hated new job
Quit new job
Found 'new' new job
Like 'new' new job

:p


Long version:

I started at the courthouse expecting to like it. After all, it paid well, had good benefits, and seemed like a pretty easy job. For the most part, it was easy. Stupid easy. Monkey could do my job easy. As for the secretarial part, my boss was never there. As in would stop in once a week for half an hour to drop mounds of paperwork on my desk, then leave. And I had to tell every person that called that I had no clue when he would be getting back to them. It was ridiculous. That on top of a very negative atmosphere led to me usually coming home exhausted and pissed off. I tried to be positive, but the whole place just reeked of bitchyness and lawyer assholes, and ugh! It was awful! I agonized over my decision to leave though. After all, where was I gonna find another full time job?? After talking it over with Matt and thinking, I decided it wasn't worth it. So I left!

And I'm SO FREAKIN GLAD I DID!!

I am now working in the Media Resources department of the College of Veterinary Medicine at A&M. It's a very low key place where the people are friendly and the hours are good. I'm working full time this week, but usually it's just 8-1. So no, I'm not making as much money. However, i have time to do errands, to clean, to relax(!!) and I come home in a much better mood. Matt and I have both benefitted ;)

Other than the job front, things are great! Matt and I just celebrated our 6-month anniversary with a lovely dinner out, and Matt helped me plan a family outing for my 23rd birthday yesterday. My dad finally met his parents and I think (hope!!) it went well. I think it did. I hope. I have no idea. lol! Anyways, my mom and sisters didn't want to come, which was disappointing, but hopefully at some point they will be able to meet his family, who I really enjoy.

Our apartment is great as well, other than some problems with the a/c. And the fact that I just bleached the carpets orange. ORANGE! YIKES!!! hopefully Matt doesn't hit the roof when he comes home....

All in all, things are wonderful. I've registered for latin in the fall, and have begun to get materials together for study, so cross your fingers I can graduate in December!!

Yay!

::drumroll::

I got a job! Hoorah! :)

As my many (two) readers know, I have been on the hunt for new employment for quite some time. It was a combination of factors. My job at the library did not have any opportunity for advancement, the hours were not conducive to my happy home life, and I didn't make enough money to feel like an equal partner in my relationship. I have nothing against the job, it's great for students, and the bosses are wonderful. It just wasn't a good match anymore. Therefore, back in February or so, I started to look. Many MANY applications and several interviews later, I finally received an offer!

::drumroll no.2::

My new position is as a Legal Assistant at the Brazos County Attorney's Office! The great thing about this job is that it is in the field that I am interested in. I had planned on doing a paralegal program at some point, but this is a great way to see if I'm interested in this as a career without having to pay for classes just yet. And it's in the courthouse! So important! At least, I like to think so. The money is good (I'm making as much as Matt, so no problem feeling equal now!!) and the hours are even better: a normal 8-5 job! Yay! My duties are going to include some secretarial work, such as phones, etc, but I'm also going to be preparing dockets for trial and editing tapes to show to juries. Sometime this week I'm going to go to old job at library where we have the movie editing software I will be using. Want to get a leg up on the job duties, ya know?

Obviously, I'm excited. I finally feel like I'm going somewhere. I've been stuck in such a bad rut for so long, it's wonderful to feel like I'm actually growing up. I have my last few days at work this week, and then it's off to the new job on the 19th! I'm pretty scared. New people and new situations = running away. :p Matt is being nice and supportive, which is helping.

Can't wait to start bringing in the bacon!!

Hiding From the Office Stress

Eeesh Monday's are rough at the office. Everyone was in all sorts of a rotten mood because the lovely people that work with us didn't show up for Easter, and they had to fire someone. Along with other things; everyone was just shooting off bad juju. I escaped ASAP.

Matt's got my car, since his is almost out of gas. I think this is the closest to flat broke we've been since I met him. Eesh. However, we have a giant packet of ramen noodles and a roof over our heads :)

This weekend was Easter, and we spent most of it in Waco with his family. I do like his family, I just feel awkward around happy family times lately, with what's been happening with mine. They're fun though, and made great burgers Sat night and watched Dr. Strangelove. Only problem with the house is the smoke. Three smokers + one allergic to smoke girlfriend = pure misery. I was in a terrible mood by Sat bedtime, just from being unable to breathe (and matt's mom insinuated i was fat, but we aren't going there). I was all for just heading home in the morning, but I stuck it out and I'm glad I did. We went to the Cameron Park Zoo, which was unexpectedly beautiful and fun. Very well planned out and flowers everywhere. Since it was Easter, it was essentially empty, and slightly drizzy weather meant it wasn't too hot. It was a good time. I hope his family thinks I'm good for Matt. I plan on being around for quite some time.

Speaking of which, Matt and I were discussing our wedding (whenever that will be!) and we're pretty much on the same page. Neither of us want a church wedding, we'd rather have a member of our family marry us. Attendants (grooms+bridesmaids) are completely unimportant to us. And we want an inflatable bouncy castle, a cupcake tier cake, and lots of booze. You better believe we're gonna have a heck of a fun wedding! lol! Not that we can afford to even get engaged at this point, but I'm trying to help Matt get over his wedding fears. ;)

On the job front, I've got an interview with the College Station Visitors Center tomorrow morning. My boss is pissed that I'll be late, but I've got to find a new job somehow. I'm doing the best I can to balance job-searching and my current job.

Oh! Matt and I are going to a lecture by Stephen Hawking tonight! We are so excited!

It's slightly slow at work

I don't actually have that much to update, but I felt like blogging. This week has gone by fairly quickly, and the weather is finally beautiful! Who knows how long that will last though :p It's been ranging from snow (SNOW!) to balmy 70s for the last few months. Maybe spring is finally here to stay. The bluebonnets are coming out, and they look beauuutiful. I need to be one of those crazy people who runs across traffic to take pictures. Hehe.

Been feeling good today, mostly because Matt came home and surprised (scared) me for lunch. Gotta love thinking you're alone in the house and some giant man walks through the bedroom ;) Anyhoo, it's nice to be thought of.

I decided, in contradiction to previous thoughts, that I need to take my last class in the fall. I have no idea whether it will be Latin or French; I need to take my MARS placement for French to see how many classes would be left. If only one, then I'm taking French at Midland online, which is significantly cheaper and easier (and I would be able to work somewhere full time)

As for the job front, well I'm still trying to find one. Still haven't heard back from the interviews. Starting to worry unnecessarily. Anyhoo.

Like I said, no real reason for updating. Here's a pretty picture of New Mexico to make you happy.

Sleepy time

The internet is being spotty, so who know if this will post. We haven't had the extra cash for a wireless router yet, so we've been mooching off of someone's unprotected signal. Heh.

Life is pretty stressful right now. I've finally been getting some interviews, but I haven't heard back yet and I'm starting to get concerned; the end of the semester isn't too far off. Anyways, money has been pretty tight, but we haven't had to resort to ramen yet, which is always a positive! I wish I could contribute more to the household, but that's why I'm looking for a better job.

Family life is still in the dumps. I heard from my mom and one of my sisters today for the first time since early February (that's two months folks); no word from the other sister. I felt awkward calling, so I sent emails and texts back. Not sure how it's going to pan out. Dad and I are still good; we went to see him on Saturday to pick up my passport and SS card.

We attempted to go to Comicpalooza on Saturday too. I say attempted, we did go, but it was a waste of time. 60$ we could have spent on something worth 60$. Sigh. Didn't get any autographs because they cost 30$ or so. Was essentially paying 60$ to go look at toys and sneak pictures of celebrities. Was pretty disappointed. Managed to see some of the Eco-Marathon though, which was going on right outside. Very nifty little eco car thingys.

Other than the job, money and family stress...everything's good! Matt is sitting here playing God of War III....which I am studiously ignoring because it's gory as hell. He loves watching me play Fallout 3, but I like to hide when he plays his rip-em-apart games. Anyhoo, time for bed.

Onward

This week is going to be a busy but hopefully not too stressful one. I'm finally getting some responses to my applications, and I've got three interviews this week. I had a phone interview yesterday, which I will hear back from soon (I hope). I'm meeting with a temp agency Thursday to see if they can place me anywhere, and then Friday I have an interview at Sears. I'm just going to keep applying to anything and everything I can think of. Something will come up. I hope. Matt is the positive thinker in this relationship. He's my support. This last week has been rough, and he's been great at trying to take my mind off of everything.

Technically, last week was spring break, but neither Matt nor I really got a vacation. Matt's co-workers were all out of the office for some reason or another, so he was obviously a little bit busy. I grovelled for hours and ended up working Saturday, Mon-Tues, and Thursday, and also made some money doing a project for my boss personally. That was my favorite part of the workweek, doing the editing project. I have no idea where to look for jobs like that, but I think I'd enjoy it.

Anyways, we did manage to have a short vacation to Houston to see my dad. I'm really glad we went; it seemed to perk my dad up and we all had a little fun. Saturday morning I was sick as a dog up since 4am, but being the good daughter (hahha) I drove us to Houston anyways around 10 and perked up. The weather was atrocious, but we stuck to our plan of touring the Battleship Texas. Good Lord. It was cold. And wet. And there were little spindly ladders and tight spaces everywhere. I seem to remember it being bigger 10 years ago....(funny how that works?). Matt and Dad had a BLAST. I will post pictures at some point. They kept trying all the locked doors and crawling into spaces they probably shouldn't have. Dad was disappointed that the engine room was closed for repairs. I wasn't.

After the battleship we were all pretty soggy, so decided to try the Galleria for some indoor fun. Wow. I guess spring break + bad weather = CROWDS! I don't believe I've ever seen it that crowded. Matt enjoyed the Lego store though ;) We didn't wander around too much, ended up at a sports bar eating oysters and drinking beer (Matt had popcorn, not much of a fish eater). Headed off back to dad's hotel after waiting for our car for over 20 mins. In freezing rain. Oi.

Dad wanted to try this pub right by this hotel, which ended up being a great little place, looked like an English hunting lodge on the inside. The giant chandelier made of beer was awesome :) We proceeded to pig out on pub food and beers of various types. Dad was thrilled with the place and decided he would be coming back often (we'll see!). Crashed in bed around 11 or so; we had thought the Corvette Expo seemed like fun, but decided on the less expensive route of Katy Mills, which was about 5 miles from the hotel. Matt LOVED the mall, we found a comic shop and got about 5 each, and just had fun wandering around looking at all the stuff. Matt got me some jeans, which was fantastic because I can't remember the last pair that were actually bought and not hand me downs!

All in all, it was a good weekend with my dad. Strange being in a completely different side of Houston, and even stranger seeing him living in a hotel, but he was in good spirits and it cheered both of us up. This is the way our family is going to be from now on, and it's just something I will have to get used to.

Taking a Break

I've decided to take a break from school. Paying tuition on my own is prohibitively expensive. I'm living paycheck to paycheck because of the tuition and med bills (bills from getting a sinus infection that my insurance wouldn't cover.) I'd like to have spending money. I need new jeans, and a bathing suit, and have zero cash to buy them. Arg.

Taking a leave from school means I need a new job. You have to be enrolled somewhere to work as a student worker (duh.). So, I have 1.5 months to find new employment. Wish me luck!

It's beautiful out!

What a lovely morning. I have a fantastic boyfriend :)

It's slow at work right now

So of course I'm going to bore my non-existent following. It's finally starting to warm up, which is nice and not so nice. The humidity is skyrocketing, as is my sinus pressure. I haven't been able to breathe properly for a while now. Sigh. We broke out the benadryl and have been suckin them down. I really hate the walk to work though. I don't like the fact that I have a walk at all. You'd think being an employee would give you better parking privileges, but you'd be extremely mistaken. I pay for my parking permit (which I never would have used had I not worked at A&M), and park in the way far away parking lot. It's about a 15 min or so walk to work. It's ridiculous. If I want, I can pay 9$ to park in the parking garage, but that's even more ridiculous. Hopefully my next job won't require all these parking fees that suck out my paycheck.

Speaking of which, I get paid tomorrow (HURRAH!). I've got 30 (minus lunch $) til tomorrow, and just about 1/8th of a tank of gas. I can do it! :) This month really stretched our budgets, between moving, eating out more until the kitchen was ready, buying new furniture for the house, buying a washer/dryer. Luckily the purchasing is over, and I think we are finally settled in. Oh wait, have to buy wireless router. OK, other than that. We're good. :)

Once I get my router I can fix my new (old) computer that I paid 700$ for. At this point, as soon as I get it working I'm probably going to sell it. Need money more than video games!

I've been stressing out a lot lately, as any casual reader might have noticed. I'm trying to keep this drama with my family in check, and hold it in as much as possible, but it's just getting worse. I feel awful that Matt is my only outlet. I wish I had some friends to talk to about this.

Anyhoo, I'm starved. Burger time!

No I'm not engaged, or even close to it

...but I can't help my obsession with wedding blogs. They make my soul happy. My current obsession is offbeatbride.com. AMAZING.

Some of the ideas I have every intention of stealing...



I want colored crinoline. omgish. with a cocktail length dress. YES.



Aren't these great? felt flowers! how cute!

Another idea that I didn't have a picture of was for the cake, they put out a pile of books and stacked cupcakes on them. YES PLEASE.

Lost

I feel completely overwhelmed right now. I looked up my loans...and I have to start paying them off in June. When I don't have a degree to show for it. 21,000$. That's over 100$ a month for the next ten fucking years. I can barely afford anything as it is, how am I supposed to pay this too?! This is ridiculous. I can't find a job without a degree, but I can't afford to finish it until I find a better job. And now this? This system is ridiculous. Everyone tells you to get a degree...but why? All I have to show for college is a crapload of debt and a crappy job. Apparently I can apply to defer it since I'm below the poverty line. Not that it's a comfort (being in 'poverty')

And, I've recieved three replies from job applications. One rejected me for (wait for it) not having a degree yet, and two were scams. Goddamit. I'm getting tired of this. I didn't go to college to work at mcdonalds.

Bubbles!

Our washer and dryer are here! WHOOP! I'll be doing laundry all day if you need me!

Hm. Well.

Can you have an existential crisis at 22? Or is it a quarter-life crisis? Or is it just a 22 two year old whining? DING! Door number 3. I really just feel stupid calling it a life crisis. But...but....i dont like my life?! Am I allowed to whine about it on the blogosphere?! OF COURSE! that's what blogs are - avenues for self-absorbed people to write down their diary entries for the whole freakin world. It is interesting, when you think about it. We have twitter, facebook, blogs, myspace, whateverthefuckthis 'chatterbox' is (videochatporn?), and whatever the heck else we have to put every single silly moment of our life "oh, today I ate toast, I burnt it. wahwahwahhhh." Not that I'm guiltless, obviously, I'm blogging right now. Case in point, I think both my coworker and I are blogging simultaneously. But really...what are we moving towards? The Truman Show?


Anyhooligans. I'm getting so damn frustrated by this lack of job opportunity, and the fact that the people I went to high school with are all immensely successful jackasses. (they might be!!) I've applied for over 20 jobs. I have a good (GREAT) employment record. WTF. I don't want to work at dairy queen! I (ALMOST) have a degree?! Please tell me that this 20k in debt was not for nothing. Cause I might just have a fit. Another one. A bigger one.


Whatever. Diet. Sucks. I'm hungry and grumpy all the time (youuu? neeverrr!!!) I did great yesterday except for the taco dinner....nom nom...ok, no i didnt do that great yesterday. I snacked. but whatever. Im hungry. and I did work out

and I took the damn stairs today


which reminds me. It really disgusts me how obsessed women are with dieting. (AGAIN, myself included) We were standing around at lunch yesterday, and literally all that was talked about was FOOD. and what we are and aren't eating, and what points they are worth, and what workouts we are doing and blahh blahh blahh. Men don't do this. they don't try to one up each other with how little they eat. Men stuff their faces and enjoy themselves. Why do we do it? Why do women put themselves through this retarded charade of trying to be perfect? Sure, I hate my body, and I need to lose weight, if only to stop my back and knees from constantly hurting. But really...when I see skinny, or even pleasantly healthily plump women talking about measuring cups of cereal out...it makes me sick.

Sort of moved in?

Yeah, I know I said I was gonna keep track of what I've been eating on here. But honestly. Like I'm good at dieting. This weekend I did alright, I did splurge on some ice cream, and matt force fed me his sunday breakfast of pancakes and bacon. (he takes it personally if i dont eat it :p)

Mostly, it's little things I've been changing. Like, instead of parking in the parking garage, I've been walking the 15 mins from the lot to work. I tried (triiiieeedd) to do some of this ridiculous cardio dance DVD I checked out. it was ridiculous. darn skinny women with big hair. anyways. I've been having smaller breakfast, smaller lunches, healthier snacks. Hopefully I will see a change. HOPEFULLY. I think starting small is the way to go, that way I don't get overwhelmed.

Ok, since you all care nothing of this, next topic.

We are sort of moved in. The pile of laundry is scary. But we get our washer/dryer on Friday, and I'm very excited to finally have clean clothes. Not so excited about the ten loads I will have to do. :p

Almost all the decorations are put up, minus the office. The office has been that room where, if we don't know where to put something....we put it in the office. So we don't go in there much. Ya know, if you ignore a problem...? Or not.

Anyways, things are great. I'm trying to find a better, full-time job. And so far it isn't going so well. I just wish I was graduated already!

Good lord don't step on that AAHHHH#($*#

I stepped on the scale today. Boy am I a whale. I've gained 40 pounds since high school. That's roughly 10 pounds a year. That's a lot. That = (deep breath) me weighing approx 170 pounds. I'm 5'1". I should be weighing MAX 140. Good lord. I'm a cow. A giant bad-hairdo-awkward-clothing-cow. ugh. UGH. UGHGHGH. There aren't even words to express how disgusted I am that I got this way. I was in great shape in high school. I was always working out though. Now, not so much.

Diet day 1. I am hoping that by blogging about this, by putting everything I eat and everything I do (and don't) do, I will feel a little bit more motivated to keep this going. The whole world can read this, ya know?! Right?! Ok, I have all of one follower, so maybe not the entire world....but I'll think that for motivational purposes.

What a crappy rotten day.

In the interest of full disclosure, I may have eaten two cookies and a couple bites of ice cream today. This was BEFORE I stepped on the SOB scale. hah. SOBSCALE. thats about right. You sob when you stand on it.

I have no desire to be anorexic mind you. I just want to get down to about 10 pounds over my high school weight. So 140ish. And maybe not have the cottage cheese thing going on. That'd be nice.

So anyways, Day 1.

Breakfast- Toaster Studel
Snack- Cookies (UGHGHG WHYYY COOKIES)
Lunch- Healthy choice (good!)
Depressed grab for ice cream around 3 oclock (bad)
Dinner- Tuna salad sandwich and low fat strawberry yogurt, oh and some V8 fusion for fruits and veggies (GOOD!)

So, stay tuned. I may go cry in a book for a little while.

Cooking and the ceiling's fallin down....

Ok, not really. But it's sagging in a threatening manner that makes me awfully nervous. They supposedly (and by supposedly I mean no way in hell) are supposed to come tomorrow to fix our ceiling. If they don't, I'm writing a letter to whoever (whomever?) has power over them. Seriously. This is ridiculous, and according to Clorissa B., illegal. I think it's worth a letter. Moldy ceilings tend to be bad for your health. So they say. Whoever they are. Which is a good question, when you think about it. Anyways.

I made stuffed jalapenos yesterday, following Amanda S.'s recipe from her dad. I don't do spicy, but according to Matt, he looved them. They were mostly gone. Also made my lovely mini burgers for him. And cookies. I need to put us on a diet. I'm getting gross. Matt doesn't think so, but of course he's the rose-colored glasses boyfriend of my dreams. Hah. I wish I could look good in a bikini :( I was considering getting on those Alli pills. No idea if they work or not. They are darn expensive though.


Anyways, I'll post some pictures of my creations at some point. I love cooking, I just need to cook healthy things? Arg. I'm ok with my general shape, just wish it was a little firmer. No jiggly.

Oh, apartment living

Well, Matt and I are almost moved into our new apartment. Let's make a list of the pros/cons

Pros:
-Much bigger. I have my own alley next to the bed. I don't have to roll over Matt to get to the bathroom (which he misses :p) Also, the kitchen is spacious and the living room is nice and open. Overall just a lovely layout to the apartment.
-Quieter. Well, mostly. We are in the more "upscale" (if you could call it that) area of the apartment complex, and there is much less screaming and no children hollering and running about. There are thin walls, but it's not too bad
-Overall, it's much prettier and I feel safer walking around from my car.

Cons:
-Again, thin walls...not terrible but when you can hear the guy next door clearing his throat it's just a little akward...especially knowing they can hear you!
-Leaking tub. ARG. Apparently when the maintenance man replaced the tub spout on the day we moved in, he forgot to caulk it. Result? Water pouring down from the kitchen ceiling on top of my microwave, a saggy soggy mess. argjlkfdsjg. And since they have no emergency maintenance number, we had no way to do anything about it. No one came to look at it for a good 12 hours, during which we used no water (just in case)
-Management/maintenance are idiots.

Honestly though, even with the ridiculous leaking shit it's a much better apartment and I already feel happier in it. It's starting to look really great and we're just about done decorating and moving. Well not really. Give us a week :p


In other news, parents' divorce still goin strong. And terrible. Dad came up for a night to help us move, and he seems to be in good spirits. He's taking it all in stride and just trying to stop things from getting worse. I hope everyone comes out of this ok. Mom and I aren't speaking though. Which really isn't that unusual.

Life right now is busy and a little stressful, but my life with Matt is wonderful. I love having him to come home to, and it's great to live with my best friend.

Divorce

I suppose that last entry was a little cryptic. My parents are getting a divorce. They have been going back and forth on this for years, and it's been pretty clear that although they love each other, they aren't happy. My dad is looking for a new place. There isn't much more to say, other than I have no idea how to handle it, and no idea how to protect my sisters.

Apparently this time it's for real. They told my sisters.

on an unrelated note, i installed windows 7. AWESOME.

Oh, shoot, I meant to write something in here, but it got awfully busy at work, and I get too distracted at home to write in this.

As usual, nothing is going on. I could go on about how my "friends" are not being very friendly, but it's not worth bitching about. Even though I just did. Oops. Life with Matt is fantastic. We have our squabbles, but we are able to resolve them pretty quickly and without yelling! It's great! I guess that's not really something to brag about, but I think the fact that we have a mature argument style really works for us. 99% of the time we get along great, we show each other how much we appreciate and love each other, and so on. I have very high hopes for this one. VERY high. lol.

His parents are coming in this weekend. I can't tell if they like me or not. I think they're pretty nifty, kinda like hippies, but older lol. I will hopefully make some amazing dish that will win them over. Or not. Who knows. :D

School is not really school at the moment. Once a week I go to the bowling alley and drink sodas/bowl. For a grade. hah. I do miss real classes. I miss learning, but I don't miss the work. It's lovely to have my evenings/weekends to play. I've been becoming a much better cook, and watching loads of movies, playing lots of games. It's great. I may audit a class next semester just for the heck of it.

Anyways, back to work

Sometimes I wish I could move away from here and start over, in a nice quiet apartment with a dog and a job writing books or editing...something that requires the smallest amount of social interaction possible

At Work Blogging

I've gotten terribly lazy about writing in this. I've been wanting to get an 'actual' journal for a while now. But you know me. I'm absentminded.
Right now I'm at working ripping tracks and publishing them to classes. It's more difficult than it sounds, since this lovely lovely professor doesn't have much direction to go off of. I've become a music librarian today :p I'm on my second diet dr. pepper, and it's only 10:15. Course, this also has to do with the fact that the devil cat kept both of us up most of the night with her incessant scratching at the door. We'd let her in, but she has this thing about opening up all the dresser drawers. Our kitty is pretty skilled. I don't know how she does it. It sure makes a hell of a racket though. ARG.

So I'm on a few hours of sleep after a pretty exhausting but productive/fun weekend. I had a terrible migraine Friday, so Matt offered to go pick up a load of stuff from my apartment. He's amazing. Poor guy's day off and he's hauling my shit.

Speaking of Matt... (warning, gooshy lovey stuff ahead)
He's amazing. Our relationship is amazing. I didn't realize it was possible to have a relationship that didn't revolve around fighting or drama. He's amazing at cheering me up and calming me down. I love coming home from work, I love that I'm always smiling and laughing. I haven't felt this happy since I was little, and I know I've never been this fulfilled in a relationship. Matt is the type of guy who gives back, and appreciates what I do for him. I love that he helps out around the house, that he insists I sit down while he cooks me breakfast, that he can't help squeezing me. This is silly and gooshy. I know. But it's so great.

I've realized that when the guy you're with is amazing and kind, you want to be kind back. You want to do nice things to keep the relationship going strong. I love that he's completely different from anyone I've ever dated. I love that he's crazy about me. I didn't think I'd ever find someone who would accept every bit of me. But he does :)

I had an idea for a book last night in my sleep and I didn't write it down. Now I can't remember it. It was a montage of something, three different scenes. But darn if I can remember what they were of!

I wore my letter jacket today. Loserville, here I come. It was the first thing I grabbed! haha.

And I told my parents that I was moving in with Matt. Reactions? "oh, ok! he's a nice boy"


baha.

Goodbye Common Sense

Well, I'm probably insane. Oh well. You know how I roll.