Excuse the pity party

This will be a little bit of a bitch and moan entry, so just excuse me :p

I have so many things whirling about in my head, it's a wonder I don't take off into CRAZYLAND! Or maybe I already have! Things are progressing very fast with Matt and I, and although I am completely sure that he is who I want, and this life is what I want, it's just a little overwhelming. Tomorrow we meet with a city of Bryan organization that provides down payment assistance for first time homebuyers. If we qualify, we will go to the bank to qualify for a mortgage, and then start looking for a home. If we don't, then we figure we will give it a try in a year or so when we have saved more money. This blows my mind. I didn't expect us to buy a house for YEARS. I didn't think there was any way for us to afford it. Apparently there are lower priced townhomes in the area, and here we are! Freaking out! I have been researching mortgages and closing costs and realtors like a crazy person. I will be PREPARED, dammit!

On top of that, Matt and I are uh, "pre-engaged"? That's such a stupid term, but I don't know what else to call it. We looked at rings and I've been informed that I will be proposed to sometime in the next few months. SO that means a wedding! Which costs money! And if we are buying a house, that means we have NO money! So does that mean no wedding? Does that mean we put it off for a year? Would I be ok owning a home with him and us not being married? Do we have a quickie courthouse wedding? Would that bother me? I don't know! I don't know ANYTHING! Lordy.

And just to put the icing on the stress cake (mmmcake), mom is still barely speaking to me, and sisters are evidently of the opinion that I'm on evil Daddy's team. Sigh. I miss my mommy. It bothers me that when Matt proposes, the first person I will be calling is my Dad. Don't get my wrong, my Dad is great, but I would have really liked to share these things in my life with my Mom. I miss having a whole family, and I'm sure as the first holiday season post-divorce approaches, I'm going to be a wreck. Who do I have Thanksgiving with? Christmas? Which parent's feelings do I hurt?

Also, Latin sucks. That is all.